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One respondent after another described having deeper conversations with their partners and learning more about each other in the process than they ever did in their shared-belief relationships.“It has caused friction at times,” says one, “but it has also ultimately brought us closer together.” “I have had to lose so many assumptions about atheists, and in some cases, about Christians as well,” says Alise, an Independent Protestant…She makes me think first about whether I am expressing the true heart of Islam in what I say.I am a better representative of my own faith now than before I met her.” Many nonbelievers feel the same.I’m more liberal now, and a lot of my friends act like I’m crazy, especially about abortion issues and gay rights.But I think more or less it’s a shift for good.” Many nonreligious partners bring a painful history with religion into the relationship, including some deep resentments.
When you have the same belief, you assume a lot without asking.
“It may seem strange, but I think I’m a better Muslim than I was before I met my [agnostic] wife,” says Fadi.
“I used to see things in fairly black and white ways and was very judgmental.
“I have become more liberal in my thinking because of him and changed Lutheran denominations because of that,” says Julie.
“We both can agree, and I love the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America.