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There’s enormous pressure, both self-imposed and societal, to be in a relationship.
But rushing to fall in love makes falling in love impossible for me, because the pressure to commit doesn’t allow my feelings to develop naturally.
Step back for a moment and ask: Is modern dating truly normal? The focus in the 21st century is less about finding someone to date, court and marry than finding someone who can be fun “for the moment.”“Raised in the age of so-called ‘hookup culture,’ millennials—who are reaching an age where they are starting to think about settling down—are subverting the rules of courtship,” The New York Times reported.“Instead of dinner-and-a-movie, which seems as obsolete as a rotary phone, they rendezvous over phone texts, Facebook posts, instant messages and other ‘non-dates’ that are leaving a generation confused about how to land a boyfriend or girlfriend.“‘The new date is “hanging out,”’ said [a 24-year-old] associate television producer in Manhattan, who is currently developing a show about this frustrating new romantic landscape.
As one male friend recently told her: ‘I don’t like to take girls out.
I like to have them join in on what I’m doing—going to an event, a concert.’”For the average 20- or 30-year-old, a traditional date includes using a smartphone app to locate someone of the opposite sex whose physical appearance is appealing, texting him or her, meeting in a bar, mumbling through conversation with the person in between texting friends, and then possibly returning to the other’s apartment for a late-night tryst.
If there is any type of connection, the two may decide to text each other later to “hang out” or “hook up” again.
Instead, in the 21st century, technology is the way to date.
Then there’s the issue of dating etiquette, which doesn’t appear to exist at all, and since there aren’t any rules, dating behavior ranges from polite to rude…But trying to go slow in a dating world that operates at supersonic speed is difficult, because it’s really easy to get caught up in the partnering race.
In truth, falling in love is hard to resist in midlife.”Any thinking man or woman eventually reaches the conclusion that the practices above do not work.
But how far must dating deteriorate before things change for the better? Many see recent changes as progress—but do the results support this view? Apparently there is now a difference—exclusivity isn’t always promised.
Then an archway loomed, and a pair of huge gates creaked open. A stout woman in a bowler hat ushered me towards an entrance.
In a large salon, seated by the fire in a baronial chair, I found Arturo, my host, gazing up at a ceiling fresco of plump cherubs. Just when I felt I had my bearings, I stepped through the looking glass and found myself in another world.