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the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram. I could not believe I had pledged allegiance to research, where our job — you know, the definition of research is to control and predict, to study phenomena for the explicit reason to control and predict. The problem is — and I learned this from the research — that you cannot selectively numb emotion. Here's vulnerability, here's grief, here's shame, here's fear, here's disappointment. I'm going to have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. I would say to companies, this is not our first rodeo, people.They're willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out. And now my mission to control and predict had turned up the answer that the way to live is with vulnerability and to stop controlling and predicting. You can't numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects, our emotions. So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness. The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are, the more afraid we are. We just need you to be authentic and real and say ... We'll fix it." But there's another way, and I'll leave you with this.No one wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it, the more you have it.

And she called, and she said, "I'm really struggling with how to write about you on the little flyer." And I thought, "Well, what's the struggle? There's no such thing." So I'm a researcher-storyteller, and I'm going to talk to you today — we're talking about expanding perception — and so I want to talk to you and tell some stories about a piece of my research that fundamentally expanded my perception and really actually changed the way that I live and love and work and parent. When I was a young researcher, doctoral student, my first year, I had a research professor who said to us, "Here's the thing, if you cannot measure it, it does not exist." And I thought he was just sweet-talking me. " and he was like, "Absolutely." And so you have to understand that I have a bachelor's and a master's in social work, and I was getting my Ph. in social work, so my entire academic career was surrounded by people who kind of believed in the "life's messy, love it." And I'm more of the, "life's messy, clean it up, organize it and put it into a bento box." And so to think that I had found my way, to found a career that takes me — really, one of the big sayings in social work is, "Lean into the discomfort of the work." And I'm like, knock discomfort upside the head and move it over and get all A's. So I thought, you know what, I'm going to start with connection.With the arrival of "Striking Vipers," "Smithereens" and “Rachel, Jack and Ashley Too,” it's time to re-rank every episode of "Black Mirror," going back to the first episode, "National Anthem." There are no bad "Black Mirror" episodes, so we ranked them from good to mind-blowing.23.Season 2, Episode 3: "The Waldo Moment" Many have made the now-trite observation that this episode, about a cartoon bear who insults his way into higher office, predicted the rise of Donald Trump. This episode does a good job of again showing that we bend too easily before the loud and obnoxious.The things I can tell you about it: It's universal; we all have it.The only people who don't experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection.

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